I Want to Be Like You, Dad is a deeply personal and theological exploration of the profound impact fathers have on their children, and the generational consequences of broken familial relationships. Written by Dr. Stan DeKoven, a psychologist and Christian leader, the book provides both a scholarly and spiritual road-map for healing family dysfunctions rooted in damaged father-child relationships.

The forewords emphasize the vital role of a father’s affirmation, noting how rejection or emotional absence often underlies personal and spiritual dysfunction. The concepts highlighted in the forewards connect broken family structures to generational curses and behavioral issues. There is also an addressing of generational patterns of pain and dysfunction, reiterating the father’s influence on emotional and spiritual health. In his personal foreword, Dr. DeKoven shares his own story, positioning the book as both a testimony and a therapeutic tool. His aim is to provide healing for personsaffected by dysfunctional family patterns. DeKoven writes that healing can be acheived through biblical principles and psychological insight. As DeKoven’s book progresses into the introduction, a central thesis is framed; stating that many struggles in life stem from unresolved generational patterns. The introduction outlines the purpose—restoring the heart of the father and breaking destructive cycles through understanding, forgiveness, and spiritual renewal.

I Want to Be Like You, Dad is both pastoral and academic. DeKoven blends personal anecdotes with theological and psychological insights, making the book accessible to lay readers while also useful for counselors and ministry leaders. His vulnerability adds authenticity and invites readers into a shared journey of healing.

Dr. DeKoven underscores the essential role of the father in shaping a child’s identity, self-worth, and destiny. He argues that many emotional and spiritual issues stem from “father wounds”—ranging from neglect to verbal abuse. These unresolved wounds can manifest in self-destructive behaviors, identity crises, and even spiritual bondage into said child.

The book critically engages with the popular Christian teaching on “generational curses.” DeKoven challenges some traditional interpretations, suggesting that while patterns of dysfunction certainly repeat across generations, the New Covenant in Christ breaks the spiritual hold of these so-called curses. Instead, he emphasizes learned behaviors, psychological tendencies, and spiritual strongholds as the real enemies.

In a more candid section, DeKoven shares his own family story, using it as a case study for how dysfunction is transmitted—and can be broken. He recalls traumatic events from his childhood and explains how these influenced his behavior and emotional development, particularly in his relationship with his father.

Key to the book’s message is the possibility of healing through a combination of scriptural truth, spiritual warfare, counseling, and forgiveness as related to a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. Chapters of this well-written document focuses on topics such as rebuilding trust, releasing bitterness, and understanding God’s role as the ultimate Father.

Some of the key takeaways for this book are that healing is possible no matter how broken a family may be, and God’s redemptive power offers hope. For this healing to occur, there must be accountability. Individuals should own their responses and decisions to life’s happenings, and must understand and embrace God as a loving Father, because this recognition and clinging to God, is central to emotional and spiritual restoration.

I would recommend this book to all Christian counselors and pastors, especially those involved in grief work. Any adult from a dysfunctional or abusive home will also benefit greatly from this text, as well as fathers seeking to break negative familial cycles, and any other reader interested in the intersection of faith and psychology.

Ze Selassie

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