Conflict in the Midst of Grief: A Call to Peacemaking

Grief rarely arrives alone. Along with the weight of loss, it often brings conflict; conflict within families, within communities, and even within our own hearts. Disagreements over funeral arrangements, tension about inheritance, or unspoken resentments that surface in sorrow can compound the pain. Left unchecked, these conflicts fracture relationships right when we need each other most.

Ken Sande, in The Peacemaker, reminds us that conflict is not merely a problem to be avoided; it is an opportunity. He writes that the ultimate purpose of conflict is not simply resolution but the glorification of God. Conflict, especially in the context of grief, can become a sacred space where humility, forgiveness, and restoration are lived out.

How We Often Handle Conflict in Grief

When God is left out of the process, conflict often spirals into blame, gossip, or estrangement. Grief sharpens emotions, and families can lash out in fear, pride, or a desire to control. In these moments, what should be a time of collective mourning can instead become a battlefield of words and wounds.

God’s Way of Peacemaking

Scripture calls us to something deeper. Matthew 18 and Romans 12 remind us to pursue peace, to forgive as Christ forgave us, and to confront in love rather than in anger. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9).

For the grief companion, this means gently guiding families and individuals toward reconciliation, even in the midst of sorrow. It does not mean ignoring pain or avoiding hard conversations. It means walking with people as they name their hurts, own their part, and take steps toward forgiveness.

The Opportunities Hidden in Conflict

Sande outlines how conflict can become an opportunity to:

• Glorify God by honoring Him in our responses.
• Serve others by offering grace, truth, and forgiveness.
• Grow personally by confronting our own weaknesses.
• Proclaim the gospel by living out Christ’s love in real, tangible ways.

Grief Companionship and Peacemaking

In grief counseling, the role of the companion is not to “fix” conflict but to help create a sacred space where honesty, lament, and reconciliation can coexist. Conflict is not the enemy of healing; avoidance is. When handled prayerfully, even painful disagreements can become doorways to grace.

As grief companions, we are called not only to comfort but also to help the grieving discover peace; peace with God, peace with others, and peace within themselves. In this way, even conflict becomes part of the healing journey.

Ze Selassie (Chaplain)
Christian Leaders Alliance
MA Candidate, Christian Counseling
Ordained Minister & Grief Companion

My destination is a place that requires a new way of being.
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