Conflict, Grief, and the Call to Glorify God

Conflict often feels like the last thing we want to face when grief is already heavy. Families mourning a loved one may find themselves torn apart over funeral arrangements, inheritance, or even unspoken resentments that surface in sorrow. In those moments, grief feels doubled: we mourn the person we’ve lost and the fractures their absence reveals.

Ken Sande, in The Peacemaker, reminds us of a truth that reframes how we see conflict: the number-one goal of conflict management is to glorify God. This shifts our perspective from defending ourselves to reflecting Christ. Conflict is no longer only about resolution; it becomes an altar where we reveal God’s justice, mercy, and faithfulness.

Conflict in the Midst of Grief

Unresolved tension can quickly turn mourning into bitterness. Pride, fear, unforgiveness, or avoidance often become enemies of healing. In grief counseling, I see how these dynamics complicate sorrow—adding layers of pain that silence rather than comfort.

Yet, when families invite God into the conflict, something changes. Unity is preserved. Testimony is strengthened. Even in disagreement, the Church and the family bear witness to the transforming work of the gospel.

The Cross as Our Example

The cross was the ultimate conflict: holiness colliding with sin, justice colliding with mercy. And through that conflict, God was glorified supremely. If Christ’s suffering brought reconciliation, then our conflicts—even those in the valley of grief—can also become places where His humility and love are revealed.

The Call of the Grief Companion

For grief companions and pastoral caregivers, this truth is both a challenge and a calling. We are not merely peacekeepers but ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). That means:

• Listening before we speak.
• Repenting before we correct.
• Loving even when misunderstood.

Grief creates raw spaces where conflict can wound deeply—but it also opens sacred spaces where reconciliation can take root. Our role is to guide others gently toward seeing conflict not as failure, but as opportunity: an invitation to glorify God, to heal relationships, and to embody Christ’s presence even in sorrow.

Reflection Question: How might we, as grief companions, help others see conflict in their grief not as an obstacle, but as a sacred opportunity for reconciliation and growth?

Ze Selassie (Chaplain)
Christian Leaders Alliance
MA Candidate, Christian Counseling
Ordained Minister & Grief Companion

My destination is a place that requires a new way of being.
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