Conflict, Grief, and the Will of God

Grief is never just about the loss of a loved one. It often stirs conflict; conflict within families, within communities, and even within our own hearts. In moments of sorrow, disagreements can intensify, old wounds resurface, and silence can cut as deeply as words. But what if these moments, as painful as they are, are also sacred ground?

Ken Sande, in The Peacemaker, reminds us that the ultimate issue in conflict is not winning or losing, but this: Will we trust and obey God, even in the midst of relational tension?

Grief and the Crossroads of Conflict

Conflict in grief is more than horizontal tension, it is a vertical decision. Will we respond in the flesh, clinging to pride, fear, or control? Or will we walk by the Spirit, choosing humility, trust, and love? In every tense conversation, in every unspoken hurt, lies the question: Whose will am I following; mine, or God’s?

Sande encourages us to remember:

• Conflict is not accidental. God allows it for His purposes (Romans 8:28).
• God is sovereign and good. Even when the process is painful (Genesis 50:20).
• Conflict can grow us. It refines character and exposes hidden idols.
• There is always hope. Because of the gospel, even broken relationships can be restored.

Humility: The Key to Healing

The number-one posture for navigating conflict, especially in grief, is humility. Pride escalates tension, but humility opens the door to reconciliation. It means looking at ourselves first (Matthew 7:3–5), confessing our wrongs, and seeking understanding over dominance.

This mirrors Christ Himself, who “humbled himself… even to death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). When betrayed and unjustly condemned, Jesus didn’t retaliate. He entrusted Himself to the Father (1 Peter 2:23). In doing so, He showed us that conflict, even when unjust, can become an altar of trust.

Grief Companionship as Sacred Presence

In grief counseling, I have seen how unresolved conflict compounds sorrow. Families can fracture at the very moment they most need each other. Yet I’ve also witnessed how humility, trust, and prayerful presence can turn conflict into a path of healing.

The grief companion’s role is not to erase conflict but to walk with others through it, reminding them that even in sorrow, God is at work. Conflict does not have to be the end of the story; it can be the place where God begins something new.

“Not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). This prayer turns conflict from a battlefield into an altar where grief, humility, and faith meet the transforming presence of God.

Ze Selassie (Chaplain)
Christian Leaders Alliance
MA Candidate, Christian Counseling
Ordained Minister & Grief Companion

My destination is a place that requires a new way of being.
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